Homeland Security on the Of’fence’ive

170125131414-donald-trump-mexico-0831-exlarge-169By: Alexa Barnes

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me –and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

Before I speak any further, I must make this clear. Mexico won’t, and never will, pay for that wall. That’s why we have taxpayer money to waste.

But as you all know, America’s toddler of a president is on his way to build his 45 foot, concrete colored, two layered, $21.6 billion Lego wall set. It’s been stressed that Mommy Pence and Daddy Congress will do anything to give what their child wants. They’ll even go as far to have it built in the next year or two. But, it doesn’t help that this particular Lego set will put a strain on Mommy and Daddy’s already negative checking account.

That’s why big brother Homeland Security suggested to have a fence instead of a knockoff of the Great Wall of China. It’s not as overbearing and stupid, but it will still keep those pesky “Mexican rapists” away.

Secretary of the DHS John Kelly said on CNN that the fence in question will be made of 18 feet tall bars of steel that are 6-by-6 inches wide, filled with rebar and concrete for strength, and set 6 feet below the ground to prevent tunneling under them. The total price would be five billion dollars.

Although those five billion dollars should be spent on something more important than a glorified yard project, like education, America’s failing economy, and, oh I don’t know, our burning planet, the fence isn’t a bad idea. It thwarts the immigrants dastardly plans of digging tunnels underground. But it’s not what Baby Trump wants. Knowing him, he’ll call big brother a dummy and throw the fence at his face.

Despite the temper tantrum, the fence should be considered. The tunnel method can be parried by the fence, all while saving the government billions of dollars, which should hopefully be spent on border patrol guards and surveillance technology. If they’re going to waste money, it should at least be done right.


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